Recognizing the reality, even when it is hard.

That’s where the pain is. You wish it were different, you try to bargain with it to see what more you can do, to see the way around it, the way through it and then you start to realize there is no way to avoid it. The longer you try to, the harder it will hurt when it finally gets you. That’s why we need God. One of those philosopher mucky-mucks said, “religion is the last refuge of a scoundrel.” While that guy thought he was scoring a point, the main thing he didn’t realize is that all humans are scoundrels when it really comes down to it. No one is so morally perfect that they can ever say they never did wrong.

If there is some future for my life and I’m continuing to live years from now I will probably look upon this time as a golden time my life and not even remember all the horrible things that I’ve had to go through over the years. Things that if I had to recount them to someone else I wouldn’t be able to without looking and sounding like a crazy person. Things that when I’ve tried to explain to other people they would immediately discount whatever I said or ask why I didn’t just walk away.

There is a part of me that with each rejection I just give up a little bit more and a little bit more till I don’t have any energy left. I always try to put a good face on everything. I always try to pretend that I’ve got a little bit more left in me but the answer is I really just don’t know anymore. If it weren’t for Jesus. I would have already been dead, way back in 2016. That’s who I hold onto. I know he’s holding onto me, too and I want to fulfill his purposes, not the devil’s purposes. I know the devil is a liar and I want to live in the truth. The truth is I can’t put a happy face on anymore. I can’t minimize my needs anymore than I’ve possibly done it already. If society wants to hold itself out as being so valuable and so worth protecting whole sectors of that society should not be abandoned specifically to fulfill the ideological desires of any other section of that society.

I remember that poem I wrote all the way back in 2020 about the greatest threat to truth being the comfortable lie. That’s something that I’ve thought about many years. What I realized is that lies aren’t comfortable, they just seem that way and then by the time you realize they’re not you’re already stuck. I don’t want to ever be stuck in anything like that. It’s laughable to me when one of these do-gooder people who genuinely believe the purpose of government is to fulfill its public mission don’t grasp that the whole point of offering all these services and programs is to permanently place you at their mercy and under their control. When you’re in that position, it’s just a series of button presses to get you to dance at their will. I despise the idea that it’s somehow a necessary evil. I would counter that evil is never necessary, righteousness is the only hope.

The word around the rumor mill is that in a month from now sometime in July the whole economy is going to collapse and go into a depression because of all the houses getting taken all at once by our “economic elites”. Yesterday I just found out where I live probably be one of those places. Maybe not next month, but soon enough. I know God is with me even through the tribulation, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough. I guess we’ll just have to see.